Category: conspiracy

Richard Bandler is the Devil.

Richard Bandler is the Devil.

We can all picture Richard Bandler riding a giant vampire bat that grabs young children and tosses them into the burning stomach of an enormous man-bull statue as a line of Rothschild’s wait for their turn.  

But I’m not here to talk about what Richard Bandler does in his free time. I won’t even speculate on his favorite drink (infant blood), or his 2nd favorite drink (unicorn cum). I just want to talk about the night Richard Bandler got away with murder.

How evil is Richard Bandler? He shot his friend’s girlfriend in the face, with his gun, at her home, then convinced a jury that he didn’t do it. Now how does a gun, and its owner, get to the house of the victim in the first place? You get the picture, stay away from the guy.

Yet, here I was, on Bandler’s couch, taking a private NLP session to get over my food addiction.

“How often do you touch yourself?” Bandler asked. “No need to feel ashamed. We’re all friends.”

“What does that have to do with my food addiction?” I said.

“I’ll answer that.” Bandler said. “But first, I want you to look into my eyes. Imagine your hand is some pepper, and your dick is a baked potato. Lather that pepper over the potato. Let’s see how it taste.” 

“What the hell?”

There was an awkward pause before I decided to take off the VR visor. Benjamin, had received the PlayStation VR setup to try the new NLP game “The Map is the Territory.” He didn’t tell me that Bandler was the games final boss. He did however tell me that there would be boobies, there were no boobies.

“Nice, Jose.” Benjamin said. 

“Hell no! I ain’t doing that again.” I said.  

“You only have to do it one more time. You can’t just quit treatment before its over. There could be major repercussions.”

Oh yeah. Like what?” 

“NLP is an egragore, Bandler is its patron. Disconnecting from your virtual therapy can damage your subconscious.” Ben said. “It has imprinted you. Or it hasn’t…. So you just can’t get up and quit. That’s some bad juju.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Ben looked into his exotic quartz crystal ball. That was my cue to scoot.

The whole train ride home I could hear Ben’s words but it was hard to take the man seriously. Imprinted? What kind of horseshit was that? 

It’s easy to be scared of Bandler, who took the teachings of Milton Ericsson and used them to help usher in the era of consumerism that works as the engine of the world economy. The parasitic ecosystem that drifts towa the top 1%. No, Bandler didn’t invent consumerism anymore than Apple invented the smartphone, but like Steve Jobs, he put it into a package that everyone could understand, NLP.

Since then, the world has been a worst place. Not exactly because people use NLP, but because of what people have used NLP for. Like in advertising, where companies use NLP to bombard the subconscious with images of garbage no one needs and turning us all into zombies. Or how about the PUA’s? Do you think the world needs a bunch of geeks “peacocking” outside of cafes, night clubs, and pool halls? Can’t they just masturbate like the rest if us? What about Tony Franken’Robbins? Do we need another Arnold Swarzenegger running for office? How does any of that make the world better?

PIck-up artist culture. Brought to you by NLP.

After about a gallon of vodka, and a g of grade A kush, I decided to charge a sigil before going to sleep. As I collapsed my head onto my pillow, my eyes started to close. I saw the face of Bandler staring at me from the foot of my bed as the conscious world began to disappear. He was smiling. 

“Do you believe in Word Magick,” Bandler said as the world faded to black.

I heard a metallic clink, the air felt thick, then suddenly, a rush of hot steam shot onto my face. Forcing my eyes open. I looked around, I wasn’t in my room anymore. This was some shit out of a horror novel, or an 80’s movie, it was some kind of factory or basement, complete with mesh walkways and leaky steam pipes. I was standing in the corner of the giant room. There seemed to be a couple of levels above and below me. But my view was obstructed by steam. 

“I must be dreaming,” I said. 

I tried to pinch myself to wake up but it wasn’t happening. I screamed, I yelled, I even peed into the steam below, nothing. I was stuck in this dream. And worst, now I was sure that I was sleeping in my own piss.

I realized that it was more than a dream as a hot redhead emerged from the cloud of steam from across the mesh walkway and started walking towards me. She moved with feline precision, floating on a cloud of air. The whole time, peeling off her clothes until she was standing in front of me completely naked. 

I didn’t waste any time as we went to the floor and started to get busy. I was about to get mine when I felt her pull away.
“You’re going to feel great,” Bandler said. I opened my eyes, the redhead’s face was replaced with Bandler’s. I tried to move but the thing had wrapped its legs around me. I could only manage to pull my head away..

“Sometimes people say ‘One day you’re going to look back at this and laugh.'” Bandler said. “My question is: ‘why wait?'”

He grabbed me by my ears and moved forward to kiss me. Just before he got close, his head exploded. Green bile splattering everywhere, including on my face. I looked up confused. Standing above me was my “savior”, with a shotgun pointing down towards the spot where Bandler’s head had been. My savior was also wearing a ski mask, which he took off to reveal a face I knew all too well, Ben Beardsley.

Ben put on his fedora then pumped a shell back into the chamber of his shotgun. “Get up.” He said.”We’re getting out of this places.”

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The Death of Andrew Breitbart.

The Death of Andrew Breitbart.

The murder of Andrew Brightbart, is one of the juiciest, and perhaps most believed conspiracies among conspiracy theorist. After all, Andrew Breitbart, did not shy away from controversial statements. Like going public in a video with allegations that John Pedosta had something to hide. And shortly before his death, there was this tweet.

Who the fuck is that guy on the bottom right of this photo?

Now you can choose to believe that the Clintons ran cocaine out of Arkansas while Bill held political office, or that politicians deal directly with Satan and channel demonic entities at Bohemian Grove with all their illuminati buddies (probably all true). Or even that the Clintons, Obama and Podesta had Andrew Breitbart killed for his repeatedly toxic rhetoric towards them. But if you considered all this more than the possibility that Andrew Breitbart was killed by his own propensity for cheeseburgers, then I suspect that you are either (A) an Alt-Right troll, B) a complete idiot, or C) correct.

But if you insist on going the conspiracy route, might I offer you another more viable line of bullshit? Let’s ignore for a moment that Andrew Breitbart had let himself go and drank (and snorted?) his middle aged vessel into the bloated toad that we saw at the end (Not to mention that he died outside a bar in the wee hours of the morning after drinking)and just go all in on the idea that he was ……..murdered. 

I for one love a True Crime story, and one of my favorite games is irresponsible  speculation. And trust me, I can dedicate hours upon hours of confirmation bias to this pastime

First of all, what was Andrew Breitbart? A writer, a publisher, an entrepreneur? True, he was all these things according to his wiki. Yet, when I think of Andrew Breitbart, I don’t think of his articles, his books, or his business ventures. I don’t even think about his conservative/libertarian/unsympathetic views on race or culture. I think of all the times that Andrew Breibart opened his mouth and pissed people off. Because if Andrew Breitbart was good at anything, It was making people angry.

Andrew, lived for the thrill of being the center of attention, like when he went on shows like Opie and Anthony just to show pictures of Anthony Wiener (which he kept on his phone) jacking his meat stick. Or the time he declared in front of a roaring crowd of like minded, “culturally similar” people that he was going to expose Barack Obama with college videos from almost 25 years before his presidency. Videos that never saw the light of day despite all the channels of distribution at his disposal, like the aforementioned shock jock show circuit, Fox News, and of course his own news outlet named after himself, Breitbart.

Now surely, given his obnoxious nature, the possibility of being suicided must have crossed Andrew’s mind at some point. But whether he believed that it was possible, or he didn’t, you could rest assured that nothing was going to stop Andrew Breitbart from saying what he was going to say and doing what he was going to do. You see, Andrew, was by all accounts either a courageous trailblazing truth speaker, or a petty, outright bully. 

So yeah, it’s possible that someone killed Andrew Breitbart because of something he said or did. But in my opinion, that’s way too easy to believe given that slandering and trolling was all he ever did. As annoying as he was, why would someone kill him for it?  

Then something occurred to me the other night while watching “The Big Lebowski” for the 100th time. 

“It’s like Lenin said, you look for the person who will benefit… And, uh… You know, you’ll, uh… You know what I mean.” The Dude.

The actual quote from Lenin goes:


“When it is not immediately apparent which political or social groups, forces or alignments advocate certain proposals, measures, etc., one should always ask: “Who stands to gain?”

So in this case, “Who stands to gain?”

What does let’s say, Barack Obama, stand to gain by assassinating Andrew Breitbart? Shutting him up? Does anyone think that there was a chance that a Breitbart follower would vote for Barack Obama under any circumstances? And vice versa, does anyone believe that a base Barack Obama voter would have been swayed by anything that Andrew Breitbart had to say?

Killing Breibart over being Breibart is like hunting sharks for biting people. It doesn’t make sense. If you decide to kill someone like Breitbart, you do it because he has something. And the most valuable thing he had at the time was the Breibart brand. Now try for a moment to understand how powerful that brand is, Breitbart, was patient zero of that of the skinny jeans wearing, tiki torch baring, neo-nazi group in Charlottesville

He was what they will turn into in twenty years. They will look and talk like him. They will quote him, turn to his philosophies, photocopy his ideology into their DNA. They will canonize and follow his name into the next Charlottesville or Trump Administration. Leading that group of dedicated racist, that group of “disagree with me and we are at war” victimized morons, is worth billions in power and influence. And there is only one person who wanted that more than anyone else, Steven K Bannon.

Bannon, has been called by many people the most evil man in existence. Bannon, is not called evil for his conservative beliefs (although he could be). He’s also not evil for his support of Trump (although a case could be made). Bannon is evil for the simple reason that the motherfucker is the pure embodiment of anti-good incarnate. A true detriment to humanity. A man who is actively trying to bring about the motherfucking apocalypse .

If anyone had a motive to see Breibart dead, it was Bannon, just consider how much he benefited from it.

  • He “inherited” Breitbart News. 
  • He retained the dedicated attention of the neo-nazi, skinny jean wearing, army of tiki torchers.
  • The exclusive financial backing of Billionaire Robert Mercer, a richer, smarter, more evil version of Lex Luther.
  • On top of all that, he became the right hand of Donald Trump with a made up position, just for him. Can’t you picture Andrew Breitbart speaking at the republican convention? Giving interviews, defending the Charlottesville protest and demonizing counter protestors for opposing Neo-Nazis? I can. 

It was after taking all these facts into consideration that we here at 33HQ decided to undertake a ritual to discover the truth.

We knew we had to speak directly to the devil.

It was storming outside that night. The thunder erupted across the sky in a rolling crash as the rain began to pour down. Ben was waiting for me at the crossroads, slouching against the downpour in his trench coat and fedora.

“You got the book?” I ask.

“Sure,” Ben says, holding up the embossed, leather-bound volume that flickers as a bolt of lightening cracks open the sky. “You got the chicken?”

I lift that fat cock up to Ben’s eyes, “This is Andrew.” I say over the roar of the rain. “Andrew Breitbart.”

To be continued…

David Icke: The Turd In The Punch Bowl

David Icke: The Turd In The Punch Bowl

If you haven’t heard of David Icke, he’s a “conspiracy theorist” whose combative debating style and often spectacular claims have made him both the subject of ridicule and fascination over the last twenty odd years. 
When it comes to conspiracy theories, you really haven’t heard anything yet until you’ve heard David Icke.

Illuminati?

Training wheels.

JFK assassination?

Kids stuff.

Roswell?

You really like wasting your time, don’t you?

How about ancient shape shifting reptilians from another dimension controlling the world through an elite bloodline (like the British Royal Family) who use the moon (which is an artificial construct) to direct a reality altering frequency from Saturn that hides their reptilian nature from us? “They Live” style.


If you are an aspiring conspiracy theorist, or an Alex Jones for that matter, you really have nothing on David Icke. Because if he is willing to say that, what could anyone do or say to shame him? And here’s the thing; why should David Icke be ashamed? He gets paid a good wage to do what he loves most, slander people, say crazy shit, travel the world, and be the center of attention. 

To write this post I consulted the all knowing Wikipedia. But I got bored of that really fast and just started watching old videos of him. To be fair, there seems to be just as many videos of David Icke as there are on Michael Jordan. Certainly more of him talking about himself or his beliefs (and defending them) than there are of people like Aleister Crowley and Jack Parsons, or even more contemporary figures like Terrance McKenna and Robert Anton Wilson. The former two men who seem to personify the kind of evil, alien, occult conspiracy David Icke is trying to warn us against. And let’s be clear, I’m not saying that there isn’t an evil, alien, occult conspiracy, I’m just saying that David Icke is completely convinced that there is one, and most of us are not. I also asked some of the mega minds over CMG for their opinions. 

I could have picked up one of David Icke’s books, but I can’t picture myself sitting through any of them just to get a better idea of why he thinks the Queen of England is a lizard. But if you can, by all means,  knock yourself out.  Perhaps, if the comparison was a metaphor of some kind. But that isn’t the case here. (Or is it?) 

Looking back at David Icke’s career, the one thing that stands out is the progression. We go from here to there fairly quickly. He starts off by getting some type of vision proclaiming that he is the son of God. After that, he finds himself in South America receiving another vision, somehow downloading the real truth into his brain and “waking him up” to the realities, or in this case, unrealities of the world around him.

Now, David, seems to have forgotten (okay, not completely) that he is the son of God. And has instead propelled himself into the forefront of even crazier sounding ideas that’ll get you ridiculed by even the most hardened, unreliable conspiratorial narrators. 

Like the aforementioned Alex Jones, who once compared David Icke’s rhetoric to finding a “turd in a punch bowl.” Jones, has come around on Icke and now counts him as a friend, but they got off to a rocky start. 

Then there are the charges of anti-semitism. Which seem pretty obvious to some being that Jews have been subjected to reptilian slander for hundreds of years. David Icke’s bigotry is more sophisticated than calling someone a kike. His slander is vague, with the exception of the reptilian talk. He will talk around it and take the Anti-Zionist angle, and even sprinkle in “some, not all” rhetoric along the way to further throw you off the trail. But if you listen, it’s there. I would go as far to say that he’s embraced the literal reptilian angle to avoid charges of anti-semitism. Problem is, some of remember those anti-Jew rants.

It’s really hard to appreciate David Icke’s good points with all this other shit circulating around him. I could say that he is an eloquent speaker who brings a lot of confidence to his lectures. He handles interviewers like a champ as well. And he’s now a master at deflecting the reptilian skepticism he faces at the beginning of every mainstream media interview he does. I also applaud his willingness to tell the elite families to go fuck themselves. However, if I were to weigh the good and the bad, I would say that there is much more bad here. 

I’m not saying it’s aliens but…

reptilian

Reptilians.

One of our hot topics for debate here at the 33rd Parallel is reptilians. Do they exist? And if so, what are they? Where do they come from and what do they want?

The concept of our reptilian overlords was popularized by conspiracy guru David Icke, possibly to discredit himself in the eyes of certain powers that might have him assassinated if he sounded sane.  But the idea of reptilian humanoids has a lineage stretching back through the popular men’s fantasy fiction of the 1930’s, Helena Blavatsky’s Dragon Men of Lemuria, and even farther. Even the name Dracula comes from the word “dragon”, and was the name of an order that Vladamir Tepes was granted in the 1400’s for his ferocity.

So what’s the story here?

Possibility 1: The Common Sense Explanation

Some of us here at the 33rd HQ believe that reptilians are a metaphor for the R-complex, the part of the brain which controls our basic survival and base pleasure instincts. Fighting, fleeing, fucking and freezing are all governed by our reptile brain, so called because it is the most primitive part of our brain structure, with the limbic system (mammal brain) and neocortex (human brain) building on its underlying architecture.

According to this theory, “reptilians” are a metaphor that can be projected onto people or groups whose behavior seems cold blooded or alien. This process of projecting unconsciously held metaphors has been observed in specific populations.

According to this article by Jon Ronson, chief propagator of the reptilian conspiracy David Icke might be using “reptilian” as a coded metaphor for the Jewish banking conspiracy. Icke himself seems pretty clear that he means literal twelve foot tall lizard people though.

As fun as it might be to speculate about the mental state of folks who spread this kind of belief, there are other possibilities as well. So now that Occam’s Razor is out of the way, let’s look at some juicier possibilities.

Possibility 2: It’s really Aliens

In his 1976 book The Sirius Mystery, Robert G. Temple speculates that the Dogon people from Mali had communication with “fish people” from the Sirius star system and that those aliens gave us human culture. It is pretty much accepted now that that was just bad anthropology and projection on his part, but that hasn’t stopped the believers from believing.

Digging around on the internet for actual primary source accounts of encounters with reptilians tends to yield a lot of sloppy, low quality “reporting” and cases of hypnotically recovered memories. The strongest case for the existence of the literal existence of these cold-blooded aliens seems to be comparative mythology, which some of us at 33 HQ think makes a stronger case that they are more metaphorical than literal.

In fact, here is some “proof” that David Icke is right, which basically says what we already talked about up there.

Possibility 3: It’s Angels (or Demons or extra-dimensional entities or whatever)

David Icke’s interest in the reptilians seems to have been sparked by his discovery of alleged MKULTRA mind control victim Arizona Wilder, who talked about encountering the reptilians in the context of occult ritual, under extreme psychological duress. According to this thread on a conspiracy forum, she has subsequently recanted.

Here is a story about someone following in the footsteps of 33rd parallel perennial favorite Aleister Crowley and contacting the intelligence known as Lam. It’s worth noting that he describes the uhhh… alien(?) as being “a very cold, mechanical kind of computer-like intelligence”.

Is it possible that these so-called alien intelligences are reaching out to us from an invisible dimension throughout collective imagination? Are they influencing our thoughts and evolution? If so, we might expect to find very little literal evidence, but the case could be made…